Personal tools

Humor/Urgent

From HaskellWiki

Jump to: navigation, search

URGENT ASSISTANCE

WE ARE MEMBERS OF A SPECIAL COMMITTEE FOR THE DESIGN AND DEVELOPMENT OF ADVANCED PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES OF MEIJCROSOFT COORPORATION IN THE UNITED STATES. THIS COMMITTEE HAS RECENTLY COMPLETED THE IMPLEMENTATION OF A NEW FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE THAT UNIFIES RELATIONAL, OBJECT-ORIENTED AND SEMISTRUCTURED DATA. THE EXISTANCE OF SUCH A LANGUAGE HAS BEEN KEPT SUCH A STRICT SECRET BY MEIJCROSOFT THAT EVEN GOOGLE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT IT.

WITH OUR POSITIONS, WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE SUM OF THIRTHY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$31.5M). THIS AMOUNT WAS CAREFULLY MANIPULATED BY OVER-INVOICING LICENSE AGREEMENTS WITH IBM, ORACLE, BEA AND SUN.

SINCE THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE NEW SECRET PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE ARE BASED ON WORK THAT HAS BEEN DONE BY THE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING COMMUNITY IN THE PAST, WE ARE INVITING YOU TO HELP US IN TRANSFERING THIS FUND (US$31.5M) INTO A SAFE ACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN AGREED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WILL BE COMPENSATED WITH 30% OF THE REMITTED FUNDS, WHILE WE KEEP 60% AS THE INITIATORS AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE TO OFFSET EXPENSES AND PAY THE NECESSARY TAXES. WE INTEND TO USE PART OF OUR OWN SHARE TO HIRE MORE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMERS FROM DEPARTMENT. THIS IS BECAUSE THE PRESENT DIRECTORS OF OUR COMPANY ARE EMPHASISING THE CONSTRUCTION OF THRUSTWORTHY CODE FOR ALL ITS PRODUCTS BEFORE THE NEXT RELEASE. HENCE, PURE AND LAZY FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMERS ARE IN HIGH DEMAND OVER HERE. WE SHALL ALSO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THIS REGARD ON A COMMISSION TO BE AGREED UPON WHEN WE FINALLY MEET.

ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY WORKED OUT AND PROVED CORRECT USING IDEALIZED METAML AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN SEVEN (7) WORKING DAYS, WITH YOUR FULL SUPPORT. THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE.

MOREOVER, WE SHALL NEED THE FOLLOWING FROM YOU TO ENABLE US BEGIN THE TRANSACTION FORMALLY. THEY ARE; YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS OR YOUR COMPANY NAME, ADDRESS AND HOMEPAGE, YOUR COMPUTERS NAME AND IPADDRESS, YOUR ACCOUNT PASSWORD AND NAME. THIS INFORMATION WILL BE USED ALONGSIDE OTHER VITAL DOCUMENTS OVER HERE IN PREPARING THE NECESSARY APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT TO THE CONCERNED QUARTERS WHERE PAYMENT APPROVALS WOULD BE SECURED IN FAVOUR OF YOUR COMPANY FOR THE PAYMENT OF OUR FUND(US$31.5M) INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT FOR US ALL.

BY OUR APPLICATION, IT WILL BE ASSUMED THAT THIS SUM IS BEING REQUESTED AS PAYMENT, WHICH IS LONG-OUTSTANDING, FOR A RESEARCH CONTRACT, WE SHALL CLAIM WITH OUR POSITION, YOU OR YOUR COMPANY EXECUTED FOR MEIJCROSOFT COORPERATION SOMETIME IN 1998. HENCE, WE SHALL FOLLOW ALL THE LEGAL OFFICIAL PROTOCOLS USUALLY OBSERVED BY FOREIGN CONTRACTORS WHENEVER THEY ARE DEMANDING PAYMENT FOR RESEARCH CONTRACTS EXECUTED FOR THE MY COMPANY.

FURTHERMORE, IMMEDIATELY THE FINAL APPROVAL IS GRANTED, THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 72 HOURS, BY WHICH TIME MY PARTNERS AND I WILL HAVE HACKED INTO YOUR MACHINES FOR THE FINAL DISBURSEMENT IN THE RATIO ALREADY SPELT OUT TO YOU.

PLEASE, YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR TO GIVE US A MACHINE ON WHICH YOU HAVE ADMINISTRATOR PRIVILIGES. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE WOULD NOT WANT A SITUATION WHEN WE HAVE ENTERED THE ACCOUNT, YOU NOW TELL US YOU WOULD NEED TO BE AUTHORISED BY ANOTHER PERSON BEFORE WE CAN HAVE OUR OWN SHARE.

YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO TRAVEL OUT OF YOUR OFFICE, ME AND MY PARTNERS, WE ELECTRONICALLY HANDLE THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND, AFTER THE FINAL TRANSACTION. WE WILL ALSO DISCUSS ABOUT THE USE OF FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING TO CONVERT CODE IN EXISTING LANGUAGES TO THE NEW FUNCTIONAL LANGUAGE BY MY COMPANY VIA INSTANT MESSAGING. BECAUSE WE WOULD LIKE TO ESTABLISH A JOINT BUSINESS WITH YOU. THAT IS WE WILL USE YOUR NAME TO REGISTER AND INCORPORATE A SOFTWARE TRANSLATION COMPANY IN COSTA RICA.

BESIDES, ON THE COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSFER, ALL TEX FILES USED FOR THE PURPOSE WILL BE WITHDRAWN FROM THE QUARTERS THEY ARE SUBMITTED BY OUR CONTACTS IN THESE OFFICES AND DESTROYED, THEREAFTER. SO, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY PROBLEM ARISING FROM THIS TRANSACTION NOW OR IN THE FUTURE. IF THIS PROPOSAL SATISFIES YOU, PLEASE REACH US ONLY BY EMAIL FOR MORE INFORMATION.

PLEASE, TREAT AS URGENT AND VERY IMPORTANT.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. HASKELL B. CURRY