This is John Peterson's account of what happened to his group (Andrei, Gary, Mike and himself) on the first climbing day. I've already established, many times, that he's a lunatic ... so I advise the reader to take all of the below with a grain of salt.

It's All Lies

So there we were. Tucson. Some of us were veteran desert climbers (myself, Mike Soo, and Gary Sax). Others were total newbies in the land without water (Keith, James, Leon, and Andrei). But we all shared a common goal: fun and glory.

It started at Gary's place in Tucson. Two teams of intrepid climbers. (Actually, one team was intrepid and the other untrepid). Two goals: What's My Line and Greedy Varmint, both in the stronghold. Our party headed for GV, up on Sheepshead.

The approach was really mellow by Arizona standards. Without rushing we arrived around 10:30 at the base of the climb over on the northwest side of the rock. I was climbing with Gary while Mike led Andrei. I remembered the first pitch was easy. Wrong! It just looked easy: the climb follows a prominent slanting ramp. The good news was that there was pro where you needed it. The bad news was that everything is polished and harder to climb than it looks. Eventually I arrived at the end of the crack and start up chickenheads on the left. OK - I've been there before. I ought to remember. But no! I'm way run out and staring at a glassy wierd move. Suddenly it dawns on me: I'm off route. Every time I've dome this climb I've started off the wrong way here - you would think my pornographic memory would work better.

So where does the route go? Down! Time for some creative downclimbing to a big ledge. I placed a piece over my head so it's not too bad. A nice comfy belay.

Gary arrived: he didn't want to climb down after unclipping the piece but since Mike is right behind we left the piece in and let Andrei suffer instead. Mike and Andrei made everything look easy - no complaints at all.

The next pitch was great but it has some thought-provoking run-outs. Maybe not as bad as What's My Line but still enough to keep things interesting.

The third pitch had two completely different lines. Generally, the leader follows a really crappy gully with trees and loose rock. But the second can climb the slab on the left and experience a stellar pitch. I managed to do the whole gully without pro and set a piece over the slab for Gary. He had a great time on the slab and we arrived at a large ledge in the middle of the face. Mike and Andrei were right behind and things were moving well. The weather was perfect and the route was completely devoid of any signs of previous climbers - no chalk or gear anywhere. Definitely a wilderness experience (maybe except for the jets buzzing us!).

The upper part of the climb ascended a huge green lizard skin face. The next pitch climbed easy chickenheads and ended at a hanging belay. >From there the final crux pitch climbed a poorly protected weakness to a crack that led left to the belay. I was gripped but we survived and were soon on a big ledge just below the top. I set a line and lowered back down for some photography as Mike came up behind.

OK - we were just 40 feet from the top. All done? Nooooooooo!! The final pitch was so foul and nasty I had blotted it from my memory. Actually it's not that bad but not much fun either. A short scramble led to a big ugly chimney - wide in the front and suddenly narrowing in the back. Without a pack it wouldn't have been too bad. I just wanted off. After some thrutching and cursing I flopped onto the top.

Next came Gary. This was pretty new to him but he managed to learn some chimney technique on the fly and arrived with only a short section of hesitation.

It was getting late so I threw a rope to Mike. Instead of climbing the chimney, I had him try a ledge system on the overhanging side of the cleft. This proved to be quite adventerous but Mike hung in there and joined us at the top. Andrei had a harder time but unfortunately I was unable to see the contortions he had to go through to finish the climb - I could have used a laugh.

It was near sunset. Photos. Descent. Run, run, run!!! The walk down is pretty easy. Back at the packs, Andrei and I decided to take advantage of the fading light and run down as fast as possible. Gary and Mike had headlamps and opted for a slower, saner descent.

We had crossed a fence before climbing to the rock. When we arrived there Andrei and I decided to wait for the others and hike through the grasslands by headlamp with them. Mistake!! Mistake!!! By the time we were all together it was totally dark. Walking through the grass and occasional catclaw (one of the "maim" family) was pretty easy but seeing the landmarks near the car was another story. As we got further from the hills there were fewer landmarks to navigate by. Gary's GPS would have helped except he had left it at home, trusting in my alleged navigational skill. To make a long story (or walk) shorter, we wandered lost for a full hour with many "it must be over there" and "look! a trail!" and "just here on the right - I'm sure". and "lights!" and "watch the barbed-wire!" and, the most dreaded, "Aaaargh! Catclaw!". We struck the road well past our parking spot and walked back to the car. It was late, 8pm, so we were sure the others were already breaking into Gary's hot tub. After all, What's My Line is much shorter and they had a good trail most of the way.

Upon arriving in Tucson, there was no sign of Keith. Hmmmm. Must be in a bar somewhere. I was toasted and sacked out at 10:30, dead to the world. Early the next morning a troubling dream came to me: climbers lost on the descent from WML. Cursing. Shouts of "kill Peterson". Mumblings about "bad beta". Rappels into nowhere. Hostile veggies all around. I woke and was sure I'd have to lead a rescue party. I staggered out of bed and looked out the window - there was the white van. They must have made it. Back to sleep!

I was up before 7. The living room was filled with comotose climbers. I snuck off with Gary's NY Times and had a relaxing breakfast and returned to find Gary had roused everyone with the notion I had taken the car and abandoned them.

Breakfast was eaten, tales were told, nobody made good on their pledge to kill me. Life was good. We paused for photos in the desert and made plans.