<blockquote style="border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;" class="gmail_quote">Instead of continuing to<br>
make the request, ask what it would take for the request to be<br>
possible. <br></blockquote><br>Thanks, Jason. I like this shift. It moves the dynamic away from a tightly confined yes/no (and often win/lose) to an expansive *how*. It welcomes collaboration in finding something better than either yes or no to the original request, in that both/all parties' needs can be addressed, not just one.<br>
<br> - Conal<br><br><div class="gmail_quote">On Thu, May 21, 2009 at 11:04 PM, Jason Dagit <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:dagit@codersbase.com">dagit@codersbase.com</a>></span> wrote:<br><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;">
<div class="im">On Thu, May 21, 2009 at 10:53 PM, Conal Elliott <<a href="mailto:conal@conal.net">conal@conal.net</a>> wrote:<br>
<br>
> <advice><br>
> One thing you may try is to ask the architect for evidence and/or logical<br>
> proof of his claims that something cannot work. As much as you can, ask<br>
> from a place of curiosity and even awe. After all, existence can often be<br>
> proved by demonstrating an example, while non-existence proofs tend to be<br>
> much more profound. And stick to your open-minded disbelief until you<br>
> really see evidence or logical rigor. If the architect gets flustered and<br>
> embarrassed, he may well go on the attack. After all, bravado signals weak<br>
> ego, which can quickly become a cornered animal. So pay attention to his<br>
> stress level, and help his salvage his ego, by suggesting he let you know<br>
> more about the evidence and/or logic when he's worked it out. Be careful to<br>
> stay in your integrity, neither going along with someone's forcefulness, nor<br>
> representing yourself as having more grounds for confidence than you really<br>
> do.<br>
> </advice><br>
<br>
</div>Thanks Conal for that sagely advice.<br>
<br>
I recently asked my local conversation expert how to deal with passive<br>
aggressive people/managers, and he gave similar advice. He said that<br>
when someone is dragging their feet or providing excuses, change the<br>
conversation into one about problem solving. Instead of continuing to<br>
make the request, ask what it would take for the request to be<br>
possible. I think your advice is exactly that, just in a slightly<br>
different context.<br>
<br>
Also, in the times when the speaker understands the problem better<br>
than myself, I tend to learn something new about the problem domain<br>
that, whether it is a show stopper or not, is a significant issue to<br>
address.<br>
<br>
Thanks,<br>
<font color="#888888">Jason<br>
</font></blockquote></div><br>